i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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