I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
