Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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