He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
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He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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