i think my tv is drunk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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