i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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