I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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