were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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