The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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