pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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