I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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