Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
