after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
