i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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