I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize