Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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