yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
