i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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