She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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