This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I had to cum in my sink.
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