I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
