I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
