I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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