Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
