We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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