yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
