he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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