look no pants
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
