I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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