Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
