at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
