Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
