Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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