Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
