Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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