so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
