dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
