I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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