I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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