we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
