Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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