his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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