I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
