The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
