you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
