It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
