the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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