Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That accounts for only three of the penises
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
