The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
