They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
