Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
