Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
