I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
