I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
