If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
