I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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