Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
