Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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