like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
