kristin has been a bad kristin
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
