if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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