I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
