God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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