Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
