Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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