She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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