i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
