I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
