I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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