one might say we're banned from that church
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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