Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
