from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
