sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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