And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
