I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
