You can't special order awesome
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
