Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
