My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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